


Bump in the Backseat

by PAW_07



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Complete, Crossdressing, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Panties, Sexual Humor, jigglies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PAW_07/pseuds/PAW_07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being the only Decepitcons on earth makes one an easy target for lurking Autobots if one doesn't blend in real well with the local inhabitants. To bad for Barricade and Frenzy, they blended in a little to well. Perverted themes and jokes, nothing graphic. 07-verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jigglies

Barricade was not one to be easily called a coward nor a pushover, but when push came to shove he knew when it was best to lie down and take it … or in this particular case park there and not make a sound. Yet he couldn’t just park anywhere. A lone empty cop car would look slightly out of place so Barricade was force to retreat to the nearest precinct and park in front … hopefully the Topkick that had been on his tail for the past four days would think he’d be to proud to be at that place of human justice to blend in there … luckily for him he was right in that assumption. Ironhide drove right past the precinct not giving the place of law enforcement another glance.

 

Frenzy laughed once he was sure the autobot was gone. “Stuuuupid autobot.” hissed the radio that was sitting in the passenger’s seat. The little radio slowly started to transform into his usual form keeping low to the floorboard as he peeked out. He gleefully laughed as he watched a man being slammed against a cop car hood for struggling. His optics then trailed on to the barely clothed females with really high shoes that were walking in the precinct escorted by an officer or escorted out by males with lots of gold trinkets on and sometimes purple suits. “Bar-barricade?”

 

“ _Yes_?” questioned the larger form angrily over the com link. If one of those law enforcement squishy’s dared slam a lawbreaker on his clean shiny hood he’d kill everyone in the building!

 

“I’m borrred … can I create so-some destruction?” whizzed the twitchy being as he hungrily looked out the window. He’d been stuck in Barricade since the larger decepticon had saved him at the dam and repaired him a few days back. Frenzy was unable to get out due to the constant running from the autobots … yah, it was slightly cowardly, but Megatron was dead so what else were they suppose to do … become autobots? The small being cringed at the thought. Nah, in-hiding was fine with him as long as he got to torture a squishy here and there. “Coooome on!”

 

The Saleen sighed over the com link. Frenzy would start driving his CPU’s crazy if he didn’t leave the small being out sooner or later. He was like the human rodent known as the dog. He needed to be walked, fed, and have regular attention or he’d eat your furniture … or in Barricades situation his upholstery. “What is the extent of damage you wish to inflict?” If it was something like blow up the precinct by starting the weaponry on fire with a live cat he had started on fire, then answer was a definite no… even though it promised to be amusing. Yet such action would gather too much attention so it had to be smaller.

 

The small bot tapped his finger on his chin plating for a moment before he gleefully stated. “Per-perhaps, lets jussst say, all the prisonerss would find their-their containment doorsss unlocked. Just-just maybe. ”

 

Barricade’s engine roared slightly … that idea made his circuits jump in excitement. The idea of all those officer fleshies being sent into a panic was beyond wonderful. “Go for it.” And Barricade’s door was flung open. The little robot then scampered down the busy street and around to the alley not even being noticed by the hoards of people. Frenzy was probably going to go up the roof and take the conditioning unit from there to create his destruction … for some reason it always surprised Barricade how no one noticed the little bot scampering past them. Maybe it was because humans were just too stupid to notice or maybe it was because most of the time the humans were in too much of a panic to care.

 

…

 

Ten minutes had passed by easily and as soon as Frenzy was back in his cab Barricade was out of there. The autobot was gone so what was the point of blending in so close to these filthy humans again? The transformer sighed as he watched another, the females with sparkly clothes were called hookers right, hooker kicked and screamed as a female officer dragged her inside. It had been entertaining for a while to watch the lawbreakers kicked and screamed, but now it was just repetitive.

 

Suddenly, a hand ran over his hood and the transformer had to resist the urge to push away from the warm squishy thing.

 

“Hey Brian!” called the uniformed female police officer as she yelled at a darker skin officer with a clipboard. “No one seems to be using this one. Mind if I take it till mine is fixed?” The man cocked his head and then waved his hand stating that he could care less. The female officer grinned and started running her hand forward as she took a step towards the driver’s side door. The Saleen was about to automatically lock his doors when he heard the familiar roar of an engine… it was the yellow scout. Every circuit tightened up … they had caught on hadn’t they?

 

With a roar the yellow Camaro pulled up next to the Saleen and none other then Sam jumped out of the car cursing at it. “Dang it Bee! Now I have to pay a speeding ticket because of you and don’t give me that story that it might have been Barricade either. Barricade would have shot you. Not pulled you over.

 

The female human laughed at the young man as she pulled open Barricade’s door. “Kid don’t blame the pretty ride of yours for your lead foot … and you shouldn’t talk to you car in public. It just screams serial killer you know.”

 

The boy merely went red and walked hurriedly inside. Barricade wanted to snicker at the squishy’s misfortune but then he noticed something … the scout was running scans on all the cop cars … okay time to go! The little gremlin could save his own hide for once.

 

…

 

The Saleen decepticon tried not to laugh as he watched the male squishy struggled against the female officer. Okay … now this was fun. He’d watched the lady officer, as the humans would say, taking down names and kicking asses for the past human hour. Yet she never really kicked anyone’s ass so he really didn’t get the purpose of the saying. Oh well … he still like the violence nonetheless. The cop car suppressed another chuckle as the officer tackled the subject making him scream suddenly as she violently tugged his arms back and cuffed him. “You will stop struggling or I’m bringing out the MACE!” She hissed as she towed him to his feet.

 

The man swore suddenly and stopped his struggles as he walked calmly to the disguised cop car. Barricade sighed internally … awe, no more violence? “Now please get in the car sir.” hissed the female as she opened Barricade’s back door. “Watch your head.”

 

The man huffed and slowly got in the car … but suddenly he somehow snaked out of his cuffs and grabbed the female by the waist, dragging her into the back seat as well. A surprised gasp was all that was allowed her as the man quickly crawled on top her slim form, slamming the car door in the process.  The grin on his face was undeniable. “You already know what I’m going to do to you don’t you?”

 

“You wouldn’t dare … this car isn’t even mine Mark! If we get any stains on the upholstery it’s my hide they’ll have and not yours since you’re too deeply uncover to punish with a cleaning bill.” She hissed as a smile overcame her lips. “You look really hot in that get up too … but the answer is still no!”

 

“Come one baby?” the man cooed. “You don’t know how much of a hell it is not being able to touch you … caress you … make dirty with you.” The man then took one of his hands and ran it down her thigh. “Come on … please? You know I can’t resist a woman in uniform.”

 

“But the upholstery –

 

“Blame it on an arrest... say he thought you were hot or something.”

 

“Okay.” She panted and then the ripping off of cloths started.

 

Barricade watched with his internal sensors … okay, here he thought the female was going to be brutally murdered in his back seat but instead this? What was this? Why was the male caressing the female like that and why where both their internal body temperatures on the rise as well as their heartbeats? There were also the irregular patterns of their respiration that he found increasingly irritating. Barricade cringed when the female’s bra came flying getting stuck on his steering wheel. The car wasn’t even allow a small squeak of disapproval when he finally realized what was going on by the hormone levels his internal systems had finally decided to warn him about … yet the shock of that knowledge was nothing compared to the jolt his shocks received as the two humans started … making dirty … well, making Barricade’s upholstery dirty at least.

 

…

 

Frenzy came whizzing down the street with his red-feathered boa bouncing in the air and his glittery green hooker shoes clanging loudly on the cement below. The little decepticon still had no idea how he had gotten himself into this mess. Everything up until the point that he had gotten outside of the precinct had gone according to plan except for one small detail … Barricade wasn’t there and thus after that it was misfortunate event after misfortune event. The yellow scout then noticed him and the poor bot had to run back inside. Thus, he was stuck there with no way out … at least until he created the scheme of attacking the nearest female and taking her few cloths … okay, he attacked a few females because some of those femmes knew how to run, in high heels no less. Once he was finally able to acquire enough cloths Frenzy had latchet himself onto a male know as a pimp and practically dragged him out the door … this getting him here somehow after he beat the pimp with his shoe so he’d stop trying to sell him weird human males.

 

A sudden bleep on his scanners informed the small decepticon that his ride was in the nearby alley. The hooker shoes clanked loudly as he stomped down the alleyway with his hands on his hips giving him a very lady-having-pms-and-taking-it-out-on-her-boyfriend-look. The little bot stopped and pursed his badly lip-sticked metal lips together staring at the huge Saleen that was tightly huddled into a corner hidden in the shadows and shaking … his optics dim.

 

“Where-where have you-you been! Do you know the pit-pit I’ve beeen through in thhhhee last hummman hour!” hissed the little Decepticon as he stared at Barricade twitching madly. “First-first off that bloody little ca-camaro saw me so-so I had to blend in, but my-my usual alt mode couldn’t get-get me around town to lo-look for you so-so I stole some ugly femalesss clothing yet it only drewww more attention as I tried to-to find you. Sw-sweaty overweight males kept-kept trying to-to get me in their vehicles. I tell you they’s were all after my jigglies! Me jigglies!” Screamed Frenzy as he cupped the sparkling purple bra that was around his higher chest and shook it … there was a small thud as an orange rolled out and slowly started rolling away. The small decepticon stood there a moment just staring at it before he ran over and picked it back up, putting it in his bra. “Are you li-listening?”

 

“Please … please stopped the thumping … please …,” Whimpered the bot in the shadows.

 

Frenzy’s shaking immediately stopped and he took a step forward so he could see his companion more clearly, “Ba-barricade?”

 

“Stop moaning … no more! No more!” cried Barricade as he threw his hands over his auditor sensors. The small mech flinched and quickly pulled out his guns ready to shoot whoever was … moaning.

 

“Um … Barricade there-there’s no-no one here?” hissed the small bot as he stealthily made his way over to his companion trying not to trip on his boa the whole time.

 

“Are you so sure about tha’ Frenzy?” 

 

“Oh … snap,” whimpered the small bot as a metallic voice floated through the alley. Slowly, he turned to see Ironhide and Bumblebee transformed to full height above him. Sam then jumped out from behind Bumblebee’s leg with a look of determination on his face that said ‘I’m going to get you little robot.’

 

The little decepticon stood there in the shadows for a moment dumbstruck … where was the metal crashing against metal and the obscenely rude words that followed afterwards? Why hadn’t Barricade attacked already? Frenzy looked over his shoulder … oh yah, traumatized thingy. The small bot sighed. Okay, it was up to him then. The mech turned around and jumped out of the shadows to face the two other mechs, his boa flapping in the wind and his jigglies, well, jiggling. The human automatically fell over in a fit. The yellow mech stared for a moment in awe and then leaned against Ironhide as he fell into a hysterical laughter … Ironhide merely stared in horror.

 

“You’re selling yourself on the street?” murmured the weapons specialist ignoring the hysterical Camaro on his shoulder. 

 

“Hey!” cried ‘Bee as he suddenly popped out of his giggling fit and stared at the shadows and the being within them. “Look! Barricade’s crying!”

 

Frenzy wasn’t even given the time of day as the two larger bots just stepped over him and started to poke and prod at his fellow decepticon. The little bot hissed and put up his middle fingers up at the autobots backs. It was then that the little transformer realized that Sam Witwicky was standing beside him.

 

“Wow … these almost look real.” Sam murmured as he reached a hand forward and squeezed one of the bra cups. “Wow … they almost feel real too”

 

Frenzy slapped the offending hand away and threw his arms protectively over his bra area, “Get your own jigglies.”


	2. The Panty Barrage

 “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Can I start poking him again?”

Ratchet whapped Bumblebee in the back of the head and turned his attention back towards the mech in question. When he and Optimus first arrived at the scene he had been … surprised, for lack of a better word, when he saw the enforcer curled up against the wall, wailing like a sparkling. Usually, the medic would have denied any medical action towards the mech since he wasn’t in threat of immediate death, but who could deny a being that was clicking like a sparkling … it was just so cute. Not that he’d ever tell anyone that.

Ratchet got a little lower to the ground so that he would seem less intimidating as he drew closer to the smaller Decepticon in the corner. The medic then started cooing noises that were meant to calm sparkling while simultaneously using his hands to try and get Barricade out of the corner. Barricade stopped sucking his thumb for a moment and pulled his head out of the protective ball he had made of himself. He stared at the CMO for a moment before whimpering something about moaning and pulling back into himself, a sobbing mass.

The CMO sighed and turned to look over his shoulder. He looked at his commander, shaking his head. “It’s no good Optimus. I can’t get him to calm down. Something really got under his circuits and I fear that he might be traumatized. We might have to bring him back to the based if we’re going to help him at all.”

Ironhide growled and Bumblebee sighed at this, Optimus merely threw them a look. “Now men, I know you both has issues with Barricade, but we just can’t leave him like this.”

“Oh, yes, we can,” grumbled Ironhide, “There’s no way in hell we’re helping him. The slagger will probably have a fraggin nightmare during his stay and crawl into my berth one night like an overgrown sparkling.”

A chorus of soft laughter broke out from everyone in the alley, including Sam.

“Oh man,” laughed Sam shaking his head in disbelief, “now I think I’m the one that’s been traumatized with that mental image that just popped in my head.”

The laughter continued, snaking down the alley, whispering soft happiness to everyone in its tresses. Yet, despite the laughter that had befallen the alley, one of its occupants didn’t find Barricade’s trauma very funny. Frenzy sighed. Well, not like he could do anything about it. Really, he had tried. He first attempted to rewire the black one’s cannons and when that had went badly, Frenzy crawled up the irritating yellow one and poked him in the head for about five minutes … the irritating bug didn’t even noticed since he was so enthralled with laughing himself silly. So, needless to say, all looked hopeless for the poor cassette.

Poke …

Poke …

Poke …

The hacker sighed as he was pulled from his thoughts, slapping away Sam’s hand for what felt like the sixtieth time. He then started grumbling to himself about his jigglies and stepped away from the group, boa flapping. This was a lost cause. If Barricade didn’t snap out of it soon there’d be no escape. He would be taken back to the Autobot base, held captive by the crazed medic, and forced to defect once he recovered… and since he was Barricade’s partner, Frenzy would have no choice but to follow. Ugh … Autobot cooties.

The small cassette walked even farther away from the group until he was at the mouth of the alley, his sliver form stood near the corner of the street as his outfit glimmered in the dull light from the streetlamp above. Now that he was free from peering optics, Frenzy began to pace back and forth trying to decide what he was going to do. Attacking the Autobots wasn’t working so the only option left was –

A squeal of surprise filled the alley and Frenzy went down with a dull thunk. The small cassette thrashed about, pulling at whatever had suddenly latched onto his ankles. The thrashing continued for about thirty seconds until the little mech looked down. It was then that he got a good look at his capture and froze. The silver being tilted his head and clicked to himself for a few moments until he finally sat up, reaching for the thing that was laced around his ankle.

“Ohhhhh, p-p-pretty,” cooed Frenzy as he took the thing into both his hands and tested its elasticity. He then stopped and rubbed the soft thing between his fingers. It was even more wonderful then what he had originally thought, but for some reason it was nagging on him that he had seen this thing before. Where – where had he seen –

Suddenly, a cry fell from the clutches of the alley. Frenzy froze in his musings, his eye stalks thrown towards where he knew Barricade and the others were.

“B-Barricade!” And with that, the small mech quickly stumbled to his feet, rushing towards the alley, ready to assists his partner. He didn’t even noticed that his little treasure was still in hand.

…

A yelp escaped Ironhide as he stumbled backwards, Optimus quickly grabbing him by his shoulders to keep him from falling on his aft. The Weapon’s Specialist took a moment to calm his engines before snapping at Ratchet, whom now had his arms full of a whimpering Barricade.

“H-he bit me!”

Ratchet rolled his optics the best he could, and patted Barricade on the back as the smaller mech buried his head into the crevasse in the kneeling mech’s shoulder. “Oh, there, there, Barricade. That mean old Ironhide won’t try to grab you anymore. He’s just jealous that I’m giving you so much attention.”

“Oh, please,” grumbled the Weapon’s Specialist as he rubbed at his bitten hand, “I thought he was going to bite you with the way he was grabbing into you.” Ironhide grimaced as he looked at the cuddling scene, “Do you really have to let him cuddle you in that way? It’s … horrifying.”

Ratchet merely chuckled and tried not to grimace as ‘Cade’s clawed hand dug into his shoulder blade a little bit; the enforcer was frightened as hell. “It’s not his fault … something scared the hard drive out of him, so he has reverted slightly into a sparkling like mind state to deal with the shock.” Ratchet then petted the shivering mech on the back while his other hand cupped the back of Barricade’s helm, allowing the mech to start mumbling into his chest armor once again. “I might be able to shake him out of it if I knew what caused it to start with.”

Ironhide merely huffed and pulled away from Optimus. The leader shook his head at his Weapon Specialist’s immature attitude. Really, did he think Barricade was going to cuddle with him in the middle of the night or what? “Come now men, you heard Ratchet. Let’s look for clues.”

There was a gather sigh from Ironhide and ‘Bee, while Sam merely snickered.

“That means you too Sam,” added Optimus as he angled a glare down at the human, “You are human so you’ll be able to perceive anything that is out of place easier than us.”

The teenager groaned and slumped forward, “Fine … I guess I’ll help, but mark my words, if Barricade gets better and attacks you, I’m going to be saying I told you so.”

The human barely had time to turn around when he was suddenly mauled by Frenzy. The little mech quickly latched onto Sam’s shirt and got up into his face, “What have you done to my ‘C-cade!”

Sam laid there on the ground for a moment or two, just staring at the little mech before he slowly pointed towards the left. Frenzy’s magnetic blue eyes followed the pointing finger until they fell on Ratchet. What was he holding? Wait, was that an arm? Was that a leg? Was … was that ‘Ca–

Frenzy suddenly let go of Sam, a squeal of terror filled the alley and all eyes fell on the small mech … before he passed out in terror. The four Autobots stared at the unconscious mech for a few minutes before everyone turned to look at Ratchet. The Rescue Vehicle petted the back of Barricade’s helm once or twice before answering.

“He’s fine. Just shock from seeing Barricade in such a … sensitive state,” he murmured before shooing the enforcer once more.

…

Poke …

Poke …

Poke …

Poke …

Slap!

“Ouch!” hissed Sam as he pulled his hand away from the waking form of Frenzy, “Why’d you hit me? I was just seeing if you were awake.”

The little mech slowly sat up, clutching his head, “bite-te me. Sure you-you were just checking i-if I was ali-ve-ve. Last time-e I checked two pokes-s were su-sufficient and certainly-y not in the p-place you were poking.” The little mech slowly sat up, grimacing, “What happened?”

“You passed out,” added Sam as he got up from his kneeling position over Frenzy and pretended to care as he searched for clues, “and before you say you didn’t, look in Ratchet’s direction.”

Frenzy twitched and automatically looked away from the direction where the coos where coming from. Now he remembered. Ugh … he was the pit. There had to be a way out of this. Maybe, he could jump into traffic. Yah, that would do it. Now where was the nearest major highway?

The cassette got to his feet, head twitching as he listened for the common roar of semi engines, and taxi tires. His head perked up. He found it. Well, better go die. So, with that, the little mech took a few steps forward when something fell to the ground. He stalled for a moment as he looked down, his optics brightening when he saw his red fleshling thingy. Well … maybe he could put off suicide for a few more moments. He mech giggled as he started stretching the thingy again, amazed at the fine lace mesh that it was made of.

Sam kicked over a can and mumbled to himself. Why should he care about Barricade. He was an evil, spiky little –

The human stopped, mouth slightly gapped at he watched Frenzy play around with … ?

“Frenzy?” asked Sam wearily.

“What-t is it m-meat bag?”

“Why are you playing with a woman’s thong?” Sam’s eyes got wide as he watched Frenzy’s optic dull for a moment, “Eww, you aren’t going commando in that skirt are you?”

Frenzy’s optics dulled as he accessed the World Wide Web. His systems stalled for a moment and his fingers suddenly slipped in mid stretch of the thong’s waistline as he found out the true purpose of a thong. There was a blur of red as the silky thing went flying. A moment of silence quickly followed after as the human and the cassette stared at each other before throwing a worried glace in Barricade’s direction, both now knowing what the enforcer had meant by moaning. Yet … both wished they would have not looked that way.

Barricade’s optic brightened tenfold as he stared at the tiny little red thing that had draped itself on one of his facial horns. Ratchet raised an metallic brow in the human and cassette’s direction before he was suddenly thrown away from the Decepticon, a scream of terror running through the alley as Barricade got to his feet, thrashing about madly to get the red thing off before he transformed and raced out of the alley.

There was a moment of still silence as a bunch of stunned Autobots and one downed Ratchet watched the trial of dust left behind in the enforcer’s tracks … before they all threw angry glances at the guilty faces of Frenzy and Sam.

The two smaller beings threw a worried glance at each other before simultaneously yelling, “The panties did it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it has already been recognized that I am a pervert. And yes, there is more crack a head. I finally got off my lazy aft and decided to finish the follow up chapters that I mentioned in my plot bunnies section on my profile page. There will be a total of five chapters for this fic, unless I think of some other ideas besides the three others I’ve got planned.
> 
> The lesson you ask? Hmmm? “Thongs are painful … in more ways than one.”


	3. Luck in the Trunk

A scamper of metal on cement filled the cool night air of the dead subarea atmosphere. A moth fluttered, kissing the blue light with its angelic wings and then was zapped by a bug zapper in the cool of the night. A car engine roared to life only to die as quickly as if it had taken on a spark of life, deciding that life was far too demanding. The shifting murmur of children’s nightlights graced the soft impending darkness that the street lights could not grasp. A soft coo of wind chimes whispered quickly to the night air, biding an unknown lover closer. A leaf was blown from its life filled tree only to flutter about madly, as if attempting to fly, merely to fall to the earth in death, kissing the wet grass in a final departing goodbye. All these things were noticed by him, yet none of these things brought wonder or disgust to the shadowed figure that scampered through the lawns as if crossing a battlefield of living corpses, grasping at his legs if he remained in one place for too long.

He had a mission and nothing on this organic planet was going to stop him. Nothing at all. Frenzy’s optics dimmed and brightened as he peered into another window, stretching the height of his legs to their limit. He nearly giggled with glee as he caught sight of his treasure. Tonight was a good night … plentiful with prey.

The small mech’s fingers broke into a collection of sharp edges, and then he found himself within the room, peering into the darkness. His entire body tightened as he spotted the chest that held his treasure. If the little mech would have had lips, he would have licked them, tasting his coming success. Unfortunately, fate seemed fit to not allow such a “blessing” to befall the small cassette, because at that very moment a voice rang through his speakers.

“Frenzy… where are you?!” Barricade’s voice sounded slightly frightened and clingy, causing the small mech to growl and crawled back out the window before one of the occupants woke up.

“I’m comin’,” growled the smaller mech as he started jogging across the yards, caring less if the neighborhood dogs saw him or not now. He had to get back to Barricade before he started freaking out. The larger mech had suddenly become incredibly clingy and easily frightened. He was acting like a sparkling, which was afraid of the dark, and his recent actions were just … clingy. That was half the reason Frenzy was out here in the middle of the night gather in his “toys”; Barricade was slightly unbalanced. It was as if he had de-aged, not that he was much older than the yellow Autobot bug, but that was beside the point. If Barricade found out about his newest obsession, and where he was stashing it, he’d have a meltdown and go running to the Autobot medic like a confused little human child. He couldn’t have that … so he’d just have to keep these midnight outings to himself.

…

Bumblebee sighed and threw a pleading look over at Ironhide, begging for freedom; he just wanted to leave the base. Was that too much to ask?

The older mech merely shook his head; it was unwise to play games when Ratchet was researching … not that he had been doing anything else of the past week other then research and searching. He had suddenly become obsessed with the Decepticon, Barricade. He wanted, no, demanded that they capture the mech and try to have him defect. After all, his mind was fragile right now, he’d be easy to convince.

But they all knew otherwise … Ratchet had a soft spot for sparklings, and the show Barricade had put on the other night had melted the mech like a bowl of butter left in the sun.

‘Bee could take no more of this confinement. The youngling jumped to his feet, caring less about the medic’s new obsession, “Ratch’ … please, please just give it up. No one’s seen hide or hair of the slagger. He’s playing good Decepticon, so let’s leave him be and go on with our lives … or at least mine. Sam and Mikaela want me to pick them up so they can go to the outdoor movie theater … again.”

The moment stilled as a confused look covered ‘Bee’s metallic face, “Not that they do much watching … in fact, they make a lot of weird noises so they can’t really hear anything either.”

The two other mechs stared at the youngling for a moment, raised optics, but neither inquired any further into the issue when the screen to the base’s computer started beeping at them. Ratchet looked away from the youngling, a frown forming.

“That’s what gots me worried … it’s too quiet. I’m afraid that his condition might have further deteriorated … he’ll be an easy catch if I’m right.”

…

Barricade’s systems suddenly hiccupped and he trembled on his tires. He was alone right now … completely alone. A soft “whoop” sound filled the night air and the Saleen twitched on his tires. He had been awakened from his recharge by the “memories”. The mech shivered at the mere thought. Why did it keep haunting him? Why? He had deleted the memory, yet, the memory of what had happened inside him, always returned with a vengeance, restored. It was as if the thought refused to die, like the human’s bodies were physically weighed down inside him, squirming and thrusting.

The mech nearly transformed and bloched right there on the road.

Why? Why? WHY? Why had it been him that this happened to? He didn’t even like humans, and that had been the first time he had ever allowed one inside him, yet he was still the victim. It wasn’t fair … those slaggen Autobots had those filthy humans inside them all the time and nothing like this had ever happened to them!

The mech whimpered and he pulled a little closer towards the abandoned facility he was hiding around, when something that suspiciously sounded like a moan wafted through the air.

He’d never admit it, but he was scared … he was scared all the time that it would happened again, and that was probably why he had become a little clingy. It was not a Decepticon thing to become clingy. Poor Frenzy had bested it as well as he could, but in the end he had to sneak away, in the middle of the night, just to be rid of him for a while.  A soft sparkling-like chirp escaped him at the thought. He wished the Autobot medic was here. He had liked the way he had snuggled with him and – and -

A pained screech escaped the mech. He did not just think that! He just did not think that! He needed Frenzy right now! If he was thinking of cuddling with the medic, he needed Frenzy right now or he was going to crack! And so Barricade, in his desperation, sent a panicked distress signal out … caring little of who would hear it, as long as he wasn’t alone.

…

Frenzy’s systems sighed as he received Barricade’s distress call. He wasn’t that surprised to have received a second one. He had been gone a little longer than usual, and given the Saleen’s new phobias, he was probably just petrified and nothing was wrong at all. So … he probably had time for one more snatch. A giggle ran through his systems as he noticed an open window on a nearby house. True, a human wouldn’t be able to crawl up a straight wall, but he sure could.

With a scratch of metallic claws, the being was up the wall before someone could even blink, leering inside. A small part of him cursed as he watched a college student sitting in front of the television, watching a rerun of that night’s news.

“In local news,” stated the young news anchor as she sat behind her desk, smiling, “the local officials still have no lead on a strange occurrence of thefts throughout the area. Yet, despite his or her skill in getting pass security systems, they have not stolen anything of value. The only thing the thief seems interested in is,” giggles escaped the two newscasters, “women’s bra and panties to be exact.”

The two newscasters broke into a fit of laughter for a short moment, before the male newscaster gained some of his composure and grinned at the female, “you better be careful Julie or the Panty Snatcher, as the local officials have started calling him, might come after your panties next.”

Julie laughed, “Well, we’ll just see about that.”

The cassette laughed softly to himself as he jumped down from the window, figuring he had better get back to Barricade before he broke down into a fit, “We’ll just see about that Julie … now let’s see where you live.”

Yet, the mech suddenly froze in step as a barrage of vehicles flew past him, and towards the secluded area where he had left Barricade to try and recharge. He couldn’t help but notice the semi with flames. His circuits froze as he investigated that earlier signal Barricade had sent him … it wasn’t decoded.

“Frag.”

…

Barricade slid back several feet as he blocked the punch with his wrists. Damn! What was wrong with him sending out a distress signal like that without even decoding it! What a stupid slaggin thing to do! He knew better than that, but not that it mattered very much. He had plenty of company … if you call being surrounded by four Autobots company. The slaggers had intercepted his call somehow and now the Autobot medic was trying to get him to come back to base. Saying that he was damaged and needed help. As if, they probably just wanted to have him defect.

The Saleen was suddenly drawn from his thoughts as a fist aimed for his head. Luckily, he blocked it.

“Ironhide, don’t aim for his head!” gripped Ratchet as he took a step closer towards the ‘Con, who twitched and took a step his right only to scream out as Optimus grabbed one of his arms, pinning it painfully behind his back. The circle of Autobots, that had been surrounding him loosened up at the easy capture, except Ironhide. ‘Bee merely giggled at how the black mech looked like a naughty youngling with the way Optimus was struggling with the weakened mech.

Barricade grunted as he tried to free himself. Primus, what was wrong with him? Here he was too paranoid to recharge properly or ingest anything due to his recent paranoia, now he didn’t even have the proper energy to use his cannons or fight with the ferocity that he usually did. But that didn’t mean he was going to give up. He’d fight to the death if he had to.

A yelp escaped Optimus as a little silver form suddenly jumped out of nowhere, crawling up his body, and causing him to drop the Saleen in surprise. The car did a roll and was about to transform in order to make a run for it, when Ironhide grabbed him by his arm, swinging him around until he let go. A roar escaped the mech as he was slammed into the dirt. Quickly, he tried to get back to his feet, but a fist caught him in the side. He yelped in pain and dodged as the black truck tried to do it again.

The Saleen growled at the mech as he tried it for a third time, but on his other side. He knew what the older mech was trying to do now. He was trying to crippled the armor in his sides so that it would bend inward, which would then destroy his ability to transform into his alt mode and make a run for it. With a grunt, the younger mech managed to grab both of Ironhide’s wrists, stopping the onslaught for a moment. A chuckled then escaped Barricade as he barred his teeth up at the larger mech.

“Thought you’d get me … well, I’m not that helpless.”

Ironhide stared at him for a moment before a grin formed on his facial plates, “I wouldn’t be too sure of that Barricade … you’re getting sloppy.”

The mech barely had time register what was happening as the Weapon’s Specialist brought one of his knees up, ready to destroy the armor. With a last move of desperation, the Saleen turned his hips slightly; ready to sacrifice a different area of armor … his trunk. It was just an empty vault as far as he was considered, completely empty.

At least he had thought it was.

Frenzy suddenly halted his attack on Optimus’s face and the yellow mech that was trying to pluck him off. No. No! NO! Not the trunk! That was where his stash of –

“Got ‘em!” hollered ‘Bee victoriously as he plucked the small mech off Optimus. Only, his victory was short lived … as something fell from the sky.

Barricade’s optics were wide as he laid there on the ground. He wasn’t shocked that the black mech had managed to hit him nor the fact that he had ruptured a pressure gage at the same time … it was just that after he punched him, the pressured air escaping a line, the air was suddenly filled with fabric panties and bras of all sizes, colors, and fabrics. Now, it was bad enough that it was raining lingerie, but the worse part was that these horrid human things came from him, his trunk to be exact!

It didn’t take long before all the Autobot’s were around the ‘Con, panties and bra’s still raining down and hanging on their bodies. Optimus merely shook his head, shaking a bra off his head; he really didn’t want to deal with this right now. Bumblebee … well, he had a dazed look, not quite understanding why the older mechs were all trying not to be giggly. Ratchet got over his giggling quickly and had long since knelt down, hand on the Decepticon’s shoulder, trying to shake him out of the stun paralysis that had suddenly overcome the mech. Then there was Ironhide … well, he just started laughing, shaking his head.

The Topkick stifled his laughter and grinned down at the mech before him; it felt like the old days, when he was disciplining younglings for some reason. “It seems we’ve caught the Panty Snatcher … really Barricade, I didn’t know you were such a pervert.”

A snort escaped Prime and he had to wander away to properly laugh himself silly. The Saleen’s shocked expression was replaced by embarrassment, “T-They’re not mine!”

Ratchet patted the smaller mech on the shoulder. He had a feeling that the ‘Con degraded, but not this far that he was equal in mind to ‘Bee. “Now, Barricade I know you are confused by the signals coming from your spark casing or why he suddenly want to touch yourself places, but stealing human … panties … are not going to fulfill the needs you are having.”

“What?” Barricade squeaked.

“Yah … what?”

The medic nearly jumped out of his armor when he found ‘Bee hovering over them. The laughing was suddenly over as the all the older mechs threw looks at each other, as if having a disagreement in each others’ minds.

“I ain’t doing it!” finally came Ironhide as he threw a glare at the other older mechs, “I am not givin’ anybody _the talk_! Not again! The twins were bad enough and especially not to a ‘Con.”

Optimus and Ratchet quickly threw glares at each other, “I’m your commander, and as such I order –“

“And I’m your medic, and as such I could make your next exhaust flush tomorrow.”

A cringe ran through the ranks as everyone looked at the large mech. With a coughing noise, Optimus spoke, trying to ignore the pleading look from the youngling, “Well, as medic, nobody is as knowledgeable as you and I would hate it if I slightly misinformed them on a question they had.”

“They,” grumbled the medic, knowing full well that he had already lost the argument. He hated it when Optimus pulled the medic card.

“Yes, ‘Bee and Barricade. You just as well get two birds with one stone, as humans say.” Silently the Prime thanked Primus that Ratchet was here when the subject finally came to light. He knew ‘Bee was reaching that age ever since he had caught the youngling playing with himself, but he hadn’t wanted to be the one to give _the talk_. Since _the talk_ usually consisted of talking about embarrassing truths and sometimes even as far as visual aids so the youngling understood what parts not to play with. Optimus hadn’t played with himself in quite a while, so even one visual aid would probably cause him to overload in front of the ‘younglings’. Not … going … to … happen.

“Fine,” grumbled the mech as he threw look at the two ‘younglings’, wiping a lacy bra off his shoulder, which Barricade then dodged as it fell, “Come on then, let’s go over here and talk.”

The two older mech’s tried not to chuckle as they watched the conversation start out a few yards away, ‘Bee’s wings perking in awe. Yet, their attention was quickly distracted as a cloud of dust followed up to their current location. Soon, two humans jumped off a scooter, both throwing a confused glance in the medic’s direction.

“Soooo,” drawled out Sam, “why is ‘Cade alive … and Ratchet … touching himself?”

“Yah,” murmured Mikaela as she tilted her head, trying to understand why Ratchet’s whole form seemed to be shaking, but not it a painful way.

“Well, Barricade’s degraded to the age of a, to quote a human term, a horny teenager and is about to get the talk,” came Optimus, trying not to watch as ‘Bee started trembling as if in fear, the medic trying to talk him down. It was not unheard of for younglings to be afraid of the idea of overloading.

The two humans stared at him with gapping jaws for a moment, before they threw a look at each other, and then back at Optimus. Mikaela pursed her lips and then spoke, “You mean _the talk_ like humans have. Like the … sex … talk,” a nod came from the two older mechs, “so … he like didn’t understand what sex is?”

Both mech’s nodded, “Yes, we even went so far as to block all the human pornography sites from his access, until after he had _the talk_.”

The two humans looked at each other and then both hissed, “Crap!”

“Oh, god, we are so dead, so dead!”

“Sam, I thought he understood. He is so going to be pissed when he found out what we were doing, did, in him.”

“Like I said, so dead.”

The two older mechs stared down at the humans with a look of horror, until Ironhide whisper, “You m-mated in … ‘Bee.”

The two humans nodded, Sam blushing and Mikaela biting her lip. The mechs looked at each other, trying to decide their next move when a scream of horror rang over from where ‘Bee was.

Ironhide and Optimus groaned. Just what they needed, another traumatized mech. Well, he’d dwell on that later, right now he had two other younglings to worry about. The Prime looked down at the two humans and made a shooing motion with his hands, “You two better scoot like you’ve never scooted before … because ‘Bee is so going to kill you.”

Sam sighed as Mikaela quickly got on her scooter, “Well, I guess this means no more rides to school … or the outdoor theater.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Said it once, and I’ll say it again, we all know I’m a pervert. Now that that’s established, now onward with the lesson:
> 
> “One can never have enough lingerie, can they?”


	4. Dirty Hubcaps

Optimus was a good guy … a nice guy and an overall good fellow, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have needs like all other bot’s from time to time.

 

“That’s it,” cooed the Autobot leader in a sensual voice as his optics brightened. “That’s it … turn that way you dirty girl. Oh, it looks like someone’s got some new toys. Oh … my, what I’d do to you if I had you alone for a night.” The Autobot leader purred gleefully as his optics shifted to some new optic candy. “And who do we have here? I don’t think we’ve ever met … perhaps I’ll give you a visit once the _children_ have been put to bed. Yah you’d like that wouldn’t you, you dirty, dirty girl. Tehe.”

 

“Um, Optimus?”

 

The older bot howled in surprise and quickly turned off the magnifiers in his optics, which he had been using to spy on the car wash with all those … dirty … dirty trucks and cars.

 

“R-ratchet! What … what are you doing here? I thought you were going to be somewhere that was not here … in this general area … at this general time … near me … who was doing nothing he shouldn’t have, because I’m the Autobot leader … yah.”

 

If Ratchet had an eyebrow to raise, it would be jutting up into his scalp. Optimus had been hanging around that Witwicky boy too much again. “Sorry to disturb you commander, but we have finished searching the warehouse district and the east housing district for Barricade. We have not seen any sign of him, Optimus … have you finished searching here yet?”

 

Optimus suddenly felt guilty. He had been looking for the ‘young’, slightly traumatized slagger; the secret word there was ‘had’. The mech had been dwelling on what had happened with the ‘Con. The talk had been quite amusing to watch, yet it stirred something inside his spark, which he had long forgotten. He had forgotten the thought of passion and the warmth of someone else’s body against his as their systems slammed into each other until overload. He had forgotten that lust and love, for only war and battle could fill his spark. Yet, he now knew that there was no more war, but his lover wasn’t here either and he wouldn’t dare ask such a thing of his men for such a thing. So, he knew not how to fulfill this need that had reawakened in him … the answer surprisingly came from the a human word.

 

After Barricade had escaped, because they were busy sedating a furious ‘Bee, the elder mechs tried to understand Barricade’s behavior.

 

_“What’s wrong with the slagger? Why did he collect such things? He really isn’t interested in … interspecies’ breeding?” gurgled Ironhide as his optic twitched._

_A soft laugh escaped Ratchet as the medic gave the other confused mech a look while he pulled the sedated ‘Bee into a sitting position against his leg, “Hardly. I think the only ‘off’ that Barricade would get from humans would be the satisfaction of squishing them … well, the old him at least. The present Barricade is the equivalent of a confused youngling. He’s harmless.”_

_A huff escaped Ironhide as he stared at the still form of ‘Bee. The kid had really freaked out there when he figured out what Sam and Mikaela had really done inside him.  Ironhide could only hope he didn’t end up like Barricade._

_“Harmless?” Ironhide growled about to protest … but suddenly stopped as he thought about it, “Okay, yah, I will admit that he didn’t hurt anyone, but how’d he get in the buildings anyway?”_

_Ratchet petted the side of Bumblebee’s head before popping open his cranial unit, “The only hypostasis that I can come up with is that Frenzy helped him acquire the items.”_

_A choking noise escaped the Weapon’s Specialist, “I’d hate to use a human word, but it’s the only one that can describe the thought of those two … playing with those things: grossness.”_

_A snort escaped the medic, “Hump, I doubt that. I think this was more a single game … a way to discover himself.”_

_Optimus tilted his head in question, trying to ignore the fact that Ratchet was fishing around in ‘Bee’s head and talking to them like this a Sunday picnic, “What do you mean discover himself? Are his logic centers corrupted by his ‘episode’.”_

_“No … I think a human definition would best make sense.” Ratchet looked up at the others, his face full of seriousness, “porn.”_

And that’s how it started. It had been harmless at first. Prime looked up the definition and found out that it was the viewing of sexual pictures to help stimuli or fulfill sexual urges. And that was all it was for a time … but he unconsciously found himself curious. It had started out as innocent glances while he was stuck in traffic. His mind wanted to know, to understand why Barricade, or even a human for that matter, would rely on porn.

 

And strangely, the glances soon became longer and longer.

 

He couldn’t stop himself. It quickly became a naughty pleasure. Yet, glances at passing cars weren’t enough. They weren’t completing his need, but he didn’t know where to go … then one day he caught sight if a car, all slick and sheen with water and wax. He nearly overloaded right there …

 

Ratchet, of course, was nearby and thought he was malfunctioning. That was as checkup he didn’t ever want to recall. In fact, the medic, since he wasn’t able to find out what was wrong, had practically stalked him thereafter; determined to figure out what had happened.

 

It is easy to say, that Optimus wasn’t happy, but, before he was about to break down and tell Ratchet what he was really doing, the medic got distracted. Ah, Optimus was really starting to like that ‘Con. He was great for both distracting Ratchet and entertainment.

 

“So,” Ratchet continued, scans dancing over his commander and the car wash he was watching, “are you alright, Optimus? Are you malfunctioning again, because there seems to be high levels of fuxulation in your spark chamber. It’s very erratic like you are about to overload … do you feel like you may overload, Optimus? If so, I wish to observe it. In doing so, I may find out why your spark is reacting the way that it is.”

 

“Not anymore,” grumbled the commander as the feeling died, leaving a bitter feeling in his spark. He didn’t know what turned him off more. Ratchet asking to watch or the fact that he was interrupted.

 

The medic frowned at him and walked a little closer, looking his commander up and down. Something had been up with Prime for a few days now. At first he just seemed distracted, like he was deep in thought … and then he was silent. It was in Prime’s silence that his spark started to have these slight fluxuations. Not entirely unusual, given that most soldiers were known for it during slow times of peace like this. The spark would just suddenly panic, thinking that the silence was a trap and that they were under attack. But Prime’s wasn’t like that … it was as if he were overloading himself just by looking around himself.

 

Well, that just didn’t make since. He’d have to observe the leader for a while … perhaps the answer would reveal itself sooner or later, “Well, tell me if your spark starts reacting, again. But, since you still seem to be in good health, you should still be helping search. So, did you find anything down there in that carwash?”

 

Prime nodded, hoping that the medic would be on his way to find his obsession, aka Barricade. Dang, the medic was sparkling crazy. Next femme that made her face known, he was going to beg her to get him laid. He couldn’t take this crap anymore. It wasn’t like Barricade was going to just come to base and act like a child for him so he could fulfill his parental longings.

 

“No … but I’m going to take a closer look just to make sure,” murmured the Prime as a grin started to play on his face, “Why don’t you go look around the dunes district … on the other side of town.”

 

The medic stared at Prime for a moment, uncertain.

 

“I heard rumor that there was another panty theft down in that area,” added Optimus.

 

The medic was gone before Prime could even look back down at his treats. The mech snickered as he watched a diesel truck leave the carwash. That would be a one nice ride, yet, the Prime’s lustfulness was starting to grow strained as the car wash grew slow and dead. But, as luck would have it, there was still one car there outside the building. It glistened softly, mocking him almost. Daring him to come and get some instead of just looking.

 

Who was he to deny the car … it was just sitting there, its black paint shimmered. It wasn’t like it was really a Cybertronain or anything, so touches were free. The mech huffed … but if any of his men found out he’d be a laughing stock.  The old mech looked back down at the new, glistening car. But it was sooooo good looking. It was one steamy ride. True, he wouldn’t be able to interface with a human car, but that didn’t mean he still couldn’t play with it.

 

The old mech’s spark trembled as he scanned the area for any human witnesses. It was dead, save for a highway a few block away, but the building would keep him out of sight. So, with the grace that would put Mirage to shame, the Prime snuck down there, his fingers trembling as he drew closer to his toy for the evening. He stood there a moment, admiring the paint job. Primus, it looked almost new. Slowly, despite his nervousness, Optimus’s fingers touched the hood, tracing the seams. His body shivered in excitement. Yah, it wasn’t the real thing, but it sure felt like it. In fact, he could almost swear he felt a spark beneath the hood. Primus, this was wonderful.

 

It didn’t take long for the Prime to want to be a little more daring. So his fingers started to trace down the entire body of the car, his own spark trembling in excitement. If this was a real partner in alt mode, the most sensitive spot was to finger underneath the front bumper, gliding over the bottom of the engine.

 

So, that was exactly what he did. Too bad for him … that his partner wasn’t as much of a play thing as he thought.

 

Barricade transformed, falling on his aft as he tied to get away from whatever was touching him. It had taken a lot of persuasion from Frenzy to leave him alone for the night so he could go out … Barricade had agreed if the little slagger promised to never touch his trunk again. And it had worked out pretty fine. Frenzy would leave at the midnight hour to work on his hobby after he put Barricade to bed. True, he still had nightmares, but at least he knew that those … things … wouldn’t be in his trunk anymore.

 

Maybe letting Frenzy go wasn’t such a good idea … the Autobot had still found him … and was now touching him. Like-like what the medic, Ratchet, had told him about. He-he kept telling the old medic that he wasn’t into those things, that he hadn’t been having any strange feelings that the medic was talking about, and that he didn’t want to do this interface thing … it sounded painful!

 

Yet, despite running away, that horrible medic was still after him. One way or the other.

 

Barricade whimpered, “I’m not that kind of m-mech.”

 

Optimus would have died right there on the spot if it were possible. What the pit? Had the ex-con changed alt form and ditched his police disguise in order to hide from the Autobots more effectively … maybe a little to effectively. One would have thought he had learned that lesson the first time.

 

With a whine of his engines, Prime took a nervous step back and rubbed the back of his helm in a nervous way. Either way, he should have known better, “Neither a-am I.”

 

The two beings gave each other a nervous look and then quickly looked away from each other. Then they both stared at each other for a moment, as if in silent agreement, “Let’s agree not to tell Ratchet about this.”

 

“A-agreed.”

 

Prime nodded, glad that went as well as it had. Yet, before he could run like hell, the Prime stopped. He needed to explain himself, so he slowly turned back towards the mech that was still staring at him with frightened optics.

 

“Just so you know. I completely understand the … panty thing now. Mine is more of a car thing though,” admitted the Prime with a whine of his engines as he transformed into his alt mode, “so … I didn’t see you, you didn’t see me.”

 

And with that, Optimus left Barricade a little more traumatized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol. Can’t anyone else see Prime as an old pervert like I do?
> 
> The lesson: “Porn is best kept under one’s bed.”


	5. Snuggles?

Barricade trembled and twitched on his tires. A hoot had just echoed through the night like the haunting sound a ghost may make … or was it more a moan? A whine escaped the car’s engine making the figure that was curled up in the back seat, grumble in annoyance. Slowly, Frenzy sat up, throwing his arms over the back the seat front seat and beadily glaring at the radio in the front.

“B-b-barricade quit bein-g-g a little whinny bit-tch and go into rec-charge. I don’t know h-how much more of-f this I-I can take,” growl the smaller mech, his eyes brightening in emphasis.

Barricade’s radio sighed. He really hated being such a burden to his partner, but what else was he supposed to do, forget how to be afraid? Now, that was unlikely … unless he went the Autobot medic, probably. Don’t get him wrong, he had liked the hug after his first traumatizing experience, but he didn’t think he could go through the humiliation again. Frenzy would probably bust a wire in laughter, and who knows how the other Autobot’s would act? No, he could live with the fear but not the humiliation.

Suddenly, a snap of disturbed branched echoed over the tree grove they were hiding in, and Barricade’s horn squeaked in surprise. Okay, maybe he could deal with a little humiliation.

A groan escaped his backseat, and Frenzy kicked open the backdoor, mumbling to himself. He then trudged through the tall grass and towards the enforcer’s trunk, his metallic knuckles knocking on the back and wordlessly demanding entrance. Barricade had been really finicky about opening his truck lately.

The trunk quickly opened and the cassette reached in and took out a small suitcase, the sound of an opening zipper welcomed the night sky. Soon there was a small amount of cursing and ‘ooh, that color would be perfect’ coming from Barricade’s blind spot. The larger mech couldn’t decide if he wanted to know what his partner was doing or not … but it wasn’t as if he had a choice, did he?

Frenzy quickly stepped out of the cruiser’s blind spot, much to the car’s dismay, and quickly threw his boa around his neck. The little mech then proceeded to trudge forward until he was in front of Barricade’s headlights, his sparkly green dress glimmering softly in the artificially light. Barricade silently wondered if Frenzy would get mad if he turned them of; he already had a lot of issues, why did he have to deal with this-this cross dressing fetish now too?

The little Con quickly applied some lipstick and gave the enforcer a look before speaking, “S-since I-I won’t be getting any r-recharge tonight. I-I’m going to-to go st-steal some rich guys’ cars … because I can’t have th-the panties any-anymore.”

Barricade twitched at the mention of the … horrid things … and sunk away from his companion.

Frenzy shook his head before saying simply as he started to walk away, “s-see you in-in the morning.”

And that’s where all the trouble started: Frenzy left him alone. Now, one would generally think ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ Well, an owl with his nightly call caused the enforcer to start, his vocals crying out. One would be surprised how close some hoots can sound to a moan.

…

Ironhide felt older than usual. He had no idea as to why … but he had a feeling it had to do with Ratchet’s almost obsessive search for Barricade lately. He wished the medic would just admit it … he liked the mean, little, slagger. It’d been so long since he had had such a ‘young’ mech that he was desperate. Someone had to get knocked up so Ratchet would stop with the Barricade obsession. The enforcer was never going to come to them. Not that he was going to tell the medic that; he didn’t want his systems flush quite yet.

Speaking of which … why did his room have to be so close to the medical bay? He had to sneak by just to get out of a medical scan. Ratchet had audios like a bat as Sam would say. Okay, just a few more yards and … suddenly, an angry youngling stormed out of the medical bay door Ironhide was about to sneak pass, Ratchet at his heels.

“Get back here, Bumblebee. You need to know these things,” griped the CMO as he folded his arms over his chest. “Besides, where do you think you are going to go? You were restricted to base after what you tried to do Sam and Mikaela.”

The youngling huffed, and quickly noticing that his Caretaker was there, gave Ironhide a begging look. The older mech shook his head, “Don’t look at me, kid. You should have known that trying to castrate Sam would get you Ratchet-punishment. Now, go learn about how sparklings are made, and how to talk about your ‘feelings’ like a good youngling. I’m going into recharge. It’s been a long week and if I hear one more thing about Barricade I’ll …”

Ironhide went silent when he noticed Ratchet’s glare.

“Uh … I’ll be going into recharge now. Good luck with that interfacing thing, Bumblebee.”

The youngling’s wings drooped and Ratchet strangely smiled, putting an arm around the youth’s shoulder, “Alright Bumblebee. Now we are going to talk about femmes. First off, it doesn’t matter if they are wrong about something … never fight with them about being wrong. A femme is always right, even if she isn’t. Never forget that … it’ll make your life easier. Another thing that will make your life better is this one sex position the femmes …”

“Ironhide!” screamed the youngling as he groped at the door, trying to get way, but Ratchet was too strong as he slowly dragged the youth back towards the sanctity of the medical bay. Bumblebee managed to get a grip on the wall, but was still pulled in … leaving nothing but deep gorges in the wall by the door. The door slid shut with a soft hiss the youngling crying out in horror.

…

It had been immature of him, really it had been. Frenzy knew that Barricade had the mental status of a youngling at the moment. He should have known better that to leave him alone. Ugh, where could have Barricade gone? Frenzy was following his signal, but the signal was getting disturbingly closer and closer to the Autobot’s territory. He might have been little more than a scared _youth_ , but Barricade knew the Autobots were in this area. What? Did he want to cuddle with one of them like a scared sparkling?

Sighing and ready to give up, the cassette called out once more down the alley, thinking the being might be hiding in the shadows, “Barricade … Barricade? Where the frag are you?”

The cassette didn’t get the reply he was expecting.

“Hey pretty,” came a purr as a black SUV pulled up beside the sidewalk, making the small mech take up a defensive position in response. The driver didn’t seem to notice the cassette’s stance and merely rolled the vehicle’s window down a little bit, a pair of sunglasses looking Frenzy up and down … or at his jigglies to be more exact.

“I don’t usually do this,” continued the male in the vehicle, “but how could I resist an angel? How about you get in the car, and we’ll discuss how much for a night of fun, darling?”

Frenzy took a step back in surprise, his shoes clapping in complaint as he looked up at the driver and its grinning owner. He could just smell the hormones pounding off the fleshling. It was kind of gross yet flattering. On Cybertron, Frenzy and cassettes like his brother, Rumble, were not considered good looking or lust-worthy in the least. So he’d accept flattery … and the offer.

“M-kay,” said the cassette as he jumped in. There was a moment of silence, probably Frenzy discussing the terms of the outing and the price that befell it. The car didn’t even move from the dark alley to a more comfortable place like a motel before the car started rocking. Back and forth it went, the shocks taking the punishment of whatever escapades were happening inside. Then suddenly the door flew open, the slightly older man was thrown out of the vehicle with a gag and hog tie.

“T-thank’s for the w-wheels! I-I’m coming, Barricade!”

And there the man was left in a cloud of burnt rubber as the cassette slammed a high heel onto the pedal and sped out of there. There was no doubt that Frenzy was going to go save Barricade’s aft … after he broke into a store or two that is. After all, why let all this vehicle’s trunk room go to waste?

…

There was a soft patter, as if someone sneaking about. To anyone else in recharge such a thing wouldn’t be noticed. Ironhide hadn’t lived to be as old as he had for nothing.

The mech nearly jumped out of his outer armor when he felt a shadow casting over him in the dark. The mech tensed. He was just imagining things. There was ‘not’ a mech standing in his doorway. There was ‘no-one’ looking at him. There was ‘not’ a person slowly inching closer to him in the darkness. They were ‘not’ peeking over the edge of the berth. There was not –

The Weapon Specialist nearly cried out in horror when a hand poked him in the shoulder. He quickly sat up ready to pull his gun on the intruder, especially when he saw that it was a lurking mech with red optics, four to be exact. Yet, just as soon as he was about to start an all out battle, a whine like a sulking puppy escape the intruder. Ironhide couldn’t help but stop, he knew that sound … oh Primus, how he knew that pathetic whine.

“Barricade, what the slag are you doing in my room? How did you get in the base for that matter?!” said the elder mech, sitting up and turning off his battle programs. Barricade might have had the Decepticon symbol on his chassis still, but he was the farthest thing from it now. That was probably why Optimus had put so much energy into the Barricade issue as of late: it was easier to get a youngling to change designations than an adult Con. Well, if Optimus did manage to get the enforcer to change sides, they were going to have to change his name for one being that the name Barricade carried to many enemies for a youngling to handle. Tuh, with the way the Saleen managed to prowl about without alerting anyone, he might as well be called Prowl.

Another pathetic squee escaped the intruder. Ironhide now knew what was wrong. The ‘youngling’ was scared. Sighing, he knew what the youth wanted. It was a natural reaction for younglings to seek comfort from elder mechs. One of the most popular forms was crawling into their berth where they would place their head against the elder being’s chassis and listen to the spark beat. He wasn’t sure why youth found it comforting, but a sparkling whispered once that it reminded him of the _before_. Ironhide had asked what he meant … the child could not answer.

Sliding until there was room for the enforcer to climb on, Ironhide grumbled, “I slaggen knew this was going to happen. Now crawl in before I change my mind.”

Barricade did not retort. Instead, he clambered onto the berth and squirmed for a little while before he placed his head on Ironhide’s chassis. For a moment, there was stillness except for the soft hiss of vents, and Ironhide thought that was it and was about to start his recharge cycle again. But the youngling spoke … they always spoke.

“Ironhide,” whispered the ‘youngling’ as he cuddled closer to the black mech.

“Yes?” asked the elder mech, getting kind of growly without recharge.

“You won’t let Ratchet give me the talk he was giving Bumblebee earlier … will you? I wanted to cuddle with Ratchet, b-but when I peeked into the medical bay … Bumble-brat seemed … catatonic,” said Barricade as if he were a frightened child.

Ironhide couldn’t help but chuckle in his throat, “I can’t make any promises about the Hatchet … but at least there’ll be no panties in the building.”

“I can deal with that,” said Barricade as he offlined his optics. Earth sucked as far as the enforcer was concerned. He had been traumatized, slightly molested, used as a laundry hamper, lost his partner to panties, and overall been introduced to a part of the universe he didn’t really need to know about. But maybe it wasn’t all bad … he wasn’t alone in his torture. Bumblebee didn’t know that Barricade had put the last of Frenzy’s panty collection in his cubbyhole since he was in a catatonic state.

Living with the Autobots was going to be interesting. That much was sure. Now, if only he knew where Frenzy was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s the end. Nothing dramatic, but I think it’s a cute ending and a way to give Barricade a break; and somehow it turned into an origin of Prowl fic. Who knew “Prowl” had such bad begins. Thanks for all the watches, favorites, and reviews. Glad I was able to give you all a good laugh. And for you Barricade fans … do not distress. I have lots of other stories where Barricade gets lots of love/torture from me. XD
> 
> Last lesson: There are always happy endings … it just depends on where you end the tale.


End file.
